Pre-Deployment Blues.

Michael hasn’t left yet, but I’m already feeling the blues. I had a good cry last night, but it feels like I have a bottomless well of years – crying didn’t alleviate my blues. I suppose that this is normal, and that all spouses experience the blues at some point during a deployment, but that doesn’t make me feel better. Once again, I want to wrap myself in a cocoon of “people who understand” – other military wives and military friends. I don’t want to talk to anyone else – I don’t want to hear people say stupid comments like, “cheer up” or “you knew what you were getting into when you married him” (is there anything more callous to say?). I don’t want to hear people’s stupid suggestions for “keeping busy”. And, most if all, I want to tell others of my slightly over-dramatized fears without any judgement. As a matter of fact, I’d like to hear that others SHARE my fears and loneliness. I want to know that I’m not alone, and that the wives living on the other side of my (future) apartment walls are feeling the same as I do.

The few friends that I’ve made in the 6wks that we’ve been living here are slowly leaving. Some are rotating to a new base. Others are “going home” for the deployment. I’m sad to feel so friendless. I’m sad to be living in this awful Lodge room all alone after Michael leaves. I’m sad that I won’t have any laughter to fill these lonely walls. I’m sad that I don’t have my “stuff” yet – my crafting supplies, my workout equipment, even all of my clothes. I don’t even have a freezer to put ice cream!

I’m feeling very sad and sorry for myself. Hello, pre-deployment blues. Please don’t stay very long – you are not welcome here.

14 comments

  1. I’m sorry if this comment is unwarranted because I’m not a military wife. But I just want to say that I have so much respect for you ladies with boyfriends/husbands in the military! I don’t know how you do it, seriously. I’ve done my time with long distance and am very familiar with how terrible it is, minus the added stress of a deployment situation. You can’t help you who fall in love with and “knowing what you’re getting into” doesn’t ease the pain of missing and worrying about your loved one. For whatever it’s worth, there are people out there (me) who really, truly appreciate you and your spouse’s sacrifices and service to our country, and respect what you’re going through.

    And by the way, I think my Japan trip was rescheduled to October so I’ll keep you updated!

  2. Aw, I’m sorry you’re being sucked into the whirlwind of deployment feelings already. Those fews weeks leading up to, and at the beginning of, a deployment are so taxing. It’s so easy to get lost in the sadness, I know. Like you said yourself though, you have so many others who have your back because of our ability to relate to exactly (or fairly close to) what you’re going through. If you ever need to chat, or cry, or complain to anyone, you know where to find me!

        1. I have my fingers crossed for a place near where we may go next – it would be nice to be IRL friends and do some hiking and dog stuff together 😀

          1. We won’t find out until around the middle of June. If we don’t get the orders, then we apply to something else then and wait again.

  3. Awww I know exactly what you are feeling and it is hard! My husband left for his deployment 5 months ago and its the worst feeling. I share what your going through and please know that you are not alone in this 🙂 It does get better with time!

    1. Thank you 🙂 I appreciate your kind words – much like making this huge move as our first move with the Navy, I’m glad in a sense that we’re finally going to get a deployment under our belt and figure out that side of our marriage. Is this your first deployment, or one of many? Any tips to a newbie like me? 🙂

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